AN INTRODUCTION TO DOMINANCE AND SUBMISSION
The following information has been compiled from resources available on the internet. The information included covers finding a Dominant partner, Rules for a Relationship and Information Resources available to the beginner.
None of the information included is intended to be the last word on D/s relationships.
Each and everyone of us must find our own way within this life/love style. Always remember as you read this and other information, listen to discussions and chat with various people; THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG WAY. The only right or wrong way is what works between two consenting partners.
However there is ONE area in which the is only ONE right way. That is the area of consent and safety.
Within the context of D/s-SM ALL relationships are consensual. NO ONE can demand an act of submission or play without the TOTAL consent of their partner. Just as NO ONE can demand an act of Domination without the consent of the Dominant.
The one all supreme rule for everyone in our community is SAFETY. The Dominant is COMPLETELY RESPONSIBLE for the SAFETY of the submissive. A dominant who refuses to accept that responsibility or ignores safety issues IS NOT A DOMINANT and should be avoided just as one would avoid a diseased person.
The watch words of our community are:
SAFE, SANE, CONSENSUAL
NEVER FORGET THEM
FINDING A PARTNER
Dominants are very often asked by novice submissives what they need to do to find a Dominant. The first response to them is always: Be Patient. You will find that in the scene the ratio of submissives to Dominants is greater than 3:1. But not all of those submissives are "good" submissives - ones that a Dominant would be interested in spending his or her time with. Your job is to make yourself stand out from the crowd.
This is the first point where patience comes into play. Although you certainly have to approve of your Dom, you need them to approve of you, and want to play with you. This won't happen if you pester the Dom, or make comments like, "I've been on the Net for a week! Come on!" A Dominant is a Dominant person and you should treat them with respect and courtesy. Just because they are a Dominant, they are under no obligation to use their talents in the Dominant arts on you.
Some submissives look for years to find a Dominant with whom they can have satisfying play. It's much the same as trying to find a compatible boyfriend or girlfriend, but with the added criterion that the person must be scene-compatible with you as well. Take your time and be a little choosy. You will be much more likely to have good scenes with someone that you are truly compatible and feel comfortable with, then you would be with the first Dom to come along.
Impatient and pushy submissives don't get very far with Dominants. We may like brats, but we don't like jerks. If you push too hard we will simply step to the side and watch you fall on your face. The good Dominants also talk to each other. Word will get around if a submissive has a bad reputation; word will also get around if a submissive has a good reputation. Dominants will also occasionally ask each other for recommendations on a particular submissive. If you have been a jerk with one Dominant, it will make it harder for you to be accepted by other Dominants.
Being patient doesn't mean being a piece of furniture, though. If you
have an interest in a Dominant, try to get to know them. If you see them
on line, say hello to them and try to engage them in conversation. Don't
just sit there saying nothing and waiting for them to talk to you, most
likely they won't. Try to find out what title they prefer (Mistress, Lady,
Master, Sir, etc.) and use it. Read their posts and profiles well and try
to get a feel for the aspects of the scene that appeal to them. These are
good things to try to engage them in conversation on. Don't immediately
send them a chat/talk request. If after getting to know a Dominant, you
would like to speak privately with them, a polite message of, "Would you
like to chat privately?", is more likely to get you an acceptance. If they
say "no", don't whine about it. We do not pay our access to the Net just
to be available
whenever someone wants to hot chat. Telling a Dominant how horny you
are will usually only get you laughed at. On BBS's, if you see a Dominant
that you are interested in log-on, you may page/message a polite hello,
but don't keep paging them, especially if they are in e- mail. Finally,
don't ask a Mistress what she is wearing. We are so sick of hearing it,
that it has become a joke!
Often a Dominant is asked on line, via message, to accept someone they just met as a submissive. If that person has a true interest in being a submissive, then they can take the time to write the Dominant a request for submission. Some Dominants have a form or questionnaire that they give to potential submissives, but a sincere letter will usually suffice. It should describe your interests and desires in at least some detail ("I like submission" doesn't cut it), describe your experience in the scene, and tell why you are interested in the Dominant that you are writing to. Spelling and grammar do count. There are two common mistakes here. First, writing to a Dominant who is not interested in what you are. Check their posts if in doubt. Second, sending a request for submission to every Dominant in the Western world. As I said before, we talk to one another. Be patient and wait to find one Dominant whom you think would be a good play partner and then write them a sincere letter. Be patient on a response too. Some Dominants don't bother to answer unsolicited petitions, but even those that do get a lot of mail.
Don't become discouraged. While you are being patient waiting for the
right Dominant to come along learn about the scene and socialize in it
if possible. Read the newsgroups and FAQ's for information. If you have
questions, post them. If nothing else, it will get you mail. Read scene
related books and magazines, not just to look at the pictures. Go to scene
events, such as the various Fantasy Nights or NLA meetings. By going to
these events you have the opportunity to meet more people in the scene,
or to meet someone in your area that you have talked to on-line. People
that you meet can provide good referrals and introductions to Dominants.
And remember, the best things are always worth waiting for.
Basic Rules for D/S
TEN
RULES FOR DOMINANTS
1.Be patient! Until you enter into a relationship
with a submissive, you have
no more right to
order him/her around than
does anyone else.
Give your bottom time to
get to know you and
what you are like. Finesse
and subtlety are
major elements of dominance.
Similarly,
strength and gentleness
go hand in hand. The
sensitivity and awareness
(or lack thereof) that
you show in the real world
is likely to be
repeated in the playroom.
2.Be humble. You may be God's/Goddess' gift
to the world, but no one
needs to hear it or
wants to hear it. You will
have ample
opportunities to show how
good you are - and
plenty of opportunities
to make a fool of
yourself. No matter what
you claim, the "real
you" will show through in
a scene. Don't set
yourself up for a failure
by developing
expectations that you know
you can never
reach.
3.Be open. Although the top is classically
considered to be the teacher
in D/s-SM, you can
always learn from your bottom,
no matter how
inexperienced. Be willing
to learn from other
dominants who may have a
totally different
perspective from yours.
Try to approach
by-now-familiar trips with
an attitude of
wonderment and discovery.
Be aware that
everyone has her or his
own personal style.
4.Communicate! You are responsible for
finding out basic, essential
information about
the people you play with,
such as experience,
limits, likes and dislikes,
and health
information. Playing
D/s-SM without this
knowledge is like Russian
roulette. Talk about
your head-space and your
view of D/s-SM with
your bottom, so that any
uncertainties can be
dealt with before you start
playing. Clearly
spell out roles, rules,
limits, and contracts. Do
not take for granted that
your bottom
instinctively knows the
ground rules.
5.Be honest. If you lack experience in an area
that your bottom would like
to experiment
with, be honest about it.
Your partner has a
right to know that. Be honest
with yourself
and take your submissive
only to those levels
at which you are completely
in control of the
situation. Safety should
always be the first
concern, taking priority
over how hot a
particular scene is.
6.Be sensitive. There's a very fine line
between a sensitive, caring
dominant and a
self-righteous, insensitive
overbearing clod.
Your scene should be a creative
synthesis of
your needs and fantasies
and your bottom's
needs and fantasies. Although,
on the surface,
your submissive is serving
you, what actually
is happening is that dominant
and submissive
are serving each other.
Earn the complete trust
of your submissive and never
violate or even
threaten to violate that
trust. His or her
submission is a gift to
you. Use it
appropriately.
7.Be realistic. End the scene with the bottom
wanting more, not wishing
there had been
less. Remember that power,
control, and
sensitivity are the keys,
not just the intensity of
the stimulation. Be clear
about what is fantasy,
and has little to do with
what works in
practice. Your favorite
porno picture books
may be stimulating in themselves,
but don't try
to imitate them to the last
detail.
8.Be really dominant! Submissives are
looking for someone who
will take over their
body and mind, not just
for brute strength.
Real people are wanted,
not just cardboard
images from cigarette ads
or macho
stereotypes. Your dominance
enhances your
whole existence. It does
not cover up or
substitute for other areas
of your life - it is
you. Make your submissive
fall in love with
you, and expect him or her
to give him/herself
up to you totally. Follow
up on rules, expect
obedience, and punish appropriately
when it is
called for. Don't shirk
your responsibility to
your bottom or to your sister/fellow
tops. Be
dependable and expect dependability.
You
have agreed to take the
dominant role - now
take it!
9.Be healthy! Like any strenuous activity,
SM
requires that its participants
be in top physical
and emotional health. Many
factors, including
the amount you sleep, your
eating habits, and
your alcohol and drug intake
affect your
performance and endurance
during a scene.
Don't attempt to do SM when
your physical or
emotional energy is low.
As a dominant you
have a special responsibility
to be in control of
yourself and on top of the
scene. An attitude of
"drugs and alcohol don't
affect me that
much... I can do it anyway"
violates your
submissive's trust in you
and can be
dangerous. If you don't
want to accept the
responsibilities, you shouldn't
be playing the
game!
10.Have fun! After all, sex is all about having a
good time. You have earned,
and you are
entitled to the unique,
intense pleasures which
come from responsible, creative
SM play.
TEN RULES FOR SUBMISSIVES
1.Be patient! A potential top will let you
know if she or he is interested in you or
not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a
submissive is to serve and to satisfy
someone who will take into consideration
the realization of your fantasies. Don't
expect your top to be able to turn on like a
light switch. The timing must be right for
both of you.
2.Be humble. You may be God's or
Goddess' gift to the world and the most
sought after prize in town, but no one
needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You
will have ample opportunity to show how
good you are. No matter what you claim,
the "real you" will show through in a
scene. Don't set yourself up for failure by
developing expectations that you know you
and your top can never reach.
3.Be open. You can learn something about
SM and about yourself from everyone into
the scene, no matter how experienced or
inexperienced they are, or how dominant or
submissive they are. D/s- SM is a very personal
art, and an "I already know it all" attitude
will make you miss valuable SM lessons
and experiences, and ignore potentially
valuable D/s-SM friends.
4.Communicate! Verbalization is necessary,
but at the appropriate time and in the
appropriate way. Your top needs to know
basic information about you, such as
experiences, fantasies, health concerns,
and turn-offs. But - unless it's an
emergency - wait until your top asks. Don't
expect your dominant to be a mind-reader
who instinctively knows your needs,
wants, and limits. Your cooperation will
enhance the scene for both of you.
5.Be honest. Don't be afraid to share your
needs and fantasies. Your dominant
expects it. Honesty about your wants,
health concerns, and turn-offs is essential
to a good scene. Lying or being less than
candid can only lead to problems, as the
top will base the scene on inaccurate
information. Besides causing problems, it
can be dangerous.
6.Be vulnerable. Your scene is a two-way
street. It is not just the physical realization
of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit
your experience to certain physical and
psychological stimulation, then contract
with your top ahead of time. But don't
always expect your top to be a puppet in a
fantasy play you've written in your head.
It's far better to let your top surprise you,
to extend your limits, to take you to places
you're never been before. When you trust
your top completely, let her or him know
it, and let him or her guide you into new
fantasies.
7.Be realistic. Your dominant is human,
and even the most experienced tops have
moments of awkwardness and indecision.
Don't call attention to what you perceive as
a lapse. Know the difference between
reality and the fantasy world you see in
books and magazines. Few tops are rich
enough to afford a large dungeon with a
lavish layout of equipment. Your top's
equipment is expensive - respect it and
don't abuse it.
8.Be really submissive! This is the whole
point. Let your dominant take you over
completely. Don't coach or second guess
or be critical of your top. Exchange
information on your special needs before
the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet!
If you insist on running a scene to your
own specifications, then you should try
being a top. You have agreed to limitations
of your own power. Stay within those
limitations. Respect and obey your top and
expect punishment if you don't. Accept it
gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has
many things to be concerned with,
including your safety and what turns you
on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy
your role.
9.Be healthy! D/s-SM, like any strenuous
activity, requires that its participants - both
active and passive - be in top physical and
emotional health. The amount you sleep,
your eating habits, your alcohol and drug
intake, and everyday stress affect your
response and endurance during a scene.
Your dominant needs to know when your
physical or emotional energy is low. No
matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I
want it all now" attitude when you aren't
able to give your all will leave both of you
feeling let down. You serve your dominant
and yourself best by staying healthy.
10.Have fun! After all, sex is all about having
a good time. You have earned and you are
entitled to the unique, intense pleasure
which comes from responsible, creative
D/s-SM play.
Safety Rules For First Meetings
This is part of a comprehensive training program for Submissives and Dominants. The program is designed not only to introduce the sensual aspects of D/s but also explores those other important areas as establishing trust, safety rules that apply to the initial Real Time (RT) meeting of a Dom and a Submissive.
The relationship between a dominant and a true submissive is both complex and rewarding for both partners. To be successful a D&S relationship must be based on mutual trust and respect. The dominant must be completely trustworthy and respect the needs and desires of their submissives.
The submissive partner must respect and trust the dominant to accept without reservation the training, guidance, encourgement,and appropriate correction of undesirable behavior. The title "Master" must be earned and the title "slave" be respected.
Never forget........ As part of the D/s relationship, the submissive
submits to the direction of the "Master" and in doing so, creates a potential
for abuse and unsafe behavior on the part of the Dominant partner. Unfortunately,
there are among us people, those who claim to be experienced dominants
who are in reality sadistic abusers who betray the trust and
inflict pain and punishment far beyond the limits of the submissive.
That is why the initial meetings between Dominants and new submissives must have stringently enforced safety rules. Listed below are the initial safety rules for new submissives. I offer them to all because I believe them to be vry important. Please feel free to pass this document on to anyone who is planning to experience a real time relationship for the first time.
Rule Number One:
Meet your potential dominant partner in a public place. The first meeting
is strictly social and a getting acquainted opportunity. This should be
made very clear at the outset, and any effort by the dominant partner to
"seduce" the submissive should be seen as an act of bad faith and indication
of a lack of trust worthiness.
Rule Number Two:
A trusted person should know about the schedule of the meeting and
should be called at an appointed time at the end of the meeting to comfirm
that all has gone well.
Rule Number Three:
If the dominant partner passes the initial screening, a second meeting
can be arranged. This meeting is designed to initially establish
a sensual relationship. But the limits imposed on this meeting are
absolute. The limits are as follows:
1. The submissive will in no way be physically immobilized, Real
bondage of any kind will not be allowed during the first meeting.
2. Gags or any devices which prevent the submissive from calling for
help are also not allowed during this meeting.
3. Safe words will be strictly enforced.
4. Nothing more dangerous that a hand, flat paddle or crop will be
used for disciplinary purposes.
5. Slapping, striking or hitting of any kind above the shoulders is
strictly forbidden.
6. The submissive partner has the right to stop the encounter at any
time and leave immediatly.
Rule Number Four:
A safety system will be established. It requiring a periodic
phone call (usually once every hour on the hour) to a safety monitor
(friend) who knows the location of the meeting and is prepared to notify
the police and the hotel should the call be more than 10 minutes overdue.
Rule Number Five:
There will be established series of code words that are imbedded in
the safety calls that verifies to the friend that all is well or warns
of trouble.
Rule Number Six:
The submissive must call the Safety monitor when she or he has left
the presence of the dominant and is well away from the meeting place.
A code word will also be used to comfirm that all is well.
In any D/s relationship, the dominant partner must assume the responsibility
for the safety of the submissive partner. If the dominant partner
is not willing to accept the rules as stated above, then it is clear that
the dominant partner is not willing to accept that responsibilty, and protect
the well being of the submissive.
Never forget, submission to a partner is the greatest gift one person can give to another. But that gift must be earned and it can only be given in an environment of trust, respect and caring. Without that environment, the gift will not be valued and a very dangerous situation is created.
D/s is a wonderful and exciting life style, and with a little care and planning it can be safe as well. Have fun my friends, and be safe!!
If you have questions or wish further guidance, I am always at the service
of those who need both experience and common sense.
SAFETY 101:
The following section is a compilation of writing posted to IMH by LadyScream. While some of this material has already been covered, some is new. As with any SAFETY issue, the individual cannot be exposed to too much information. You are encouraged to read this material and use the information in your best judgment.
Safety 101
Class #1 - On-line D/s
Even in our little AOL world, there is danger. For all new Doms and subs alike, here are a few standard rules to make your transition into on-line D/s a safer, happier one.
1) You do not have to answer ever IM (Instant Message) that you get.
Should you get one that is vulgar, rude or harassing, simply use the cancel
button, or send it to TOS (Terms of Service). Even if you are a new sub
and the IM is from an "on-line Dominant", no one has to take abuse.
2) Do some reading ! The fact that you're here in IMH is a good
start ! But there are many good books about D/s on the market.
Doing your homework can really pay off. When you make your first few forays
into the chat rooms, don't announce in the open room who you are and what
you're looking for. That is a magnet for anyone out there looking
for quick and easy cyber-sex. If you're seriously looking for friends,
contacts and possible partners, be discreet. Read profiles.
IM respectfully to people who interest you. Make polite conversation
in the room. Show respect, and you'll earn it in kind.
3) There are 3 main "Le Chateau" rooms on the AOL Member Room List.
These are Le Chateau, Le Chateau Dungeon and Beginner's Dungeon.
Each of these rooms has a different personality. Try them all, and see
which one fits you best. ( ed. note: Chateau Serenity has been created
subsequent to this writing)
4) NEVER give your real name, phone number, credit card information
or any other personal information to ANYONE you've just begun to talk to
on-line. Get to know someone over time before revealing anything
of importance !! First names are sufficient in the beginning.
5) When approached by a potential partner, ask questions !! Get
to know the person as well as on-line will allow, and then very discreetly,
ask around for references about that person. Please heed any warnings
you may receive about an individual, but be sure you ask for more than
one opinion. If you cannot find anyone on-line who will vouch for
this potential partner either way, please proceed very slowly. Remember
that on-line is no different than real life. Make them earn your
trust.
6) Always be aware that this forum of communication harbors unsavory
characters, just as any other. And also be aware that people may
not always be who they appear, or claim to be. If you proceed at
a cautious rate, you'll save yourself some possible heartache down the
road.
7) PHONE CALLS: If someone wishes to speak with you, and you aren't
entirely trusting of them yet, offer to call them instead of giving your
number out. You can disable any possible Called-ID function they
have by punching in the disable code (check your phone book information
pages, or call your phone company). Keep your first conversation
brief and friendly. If you still harbor doubts at the end of this,
continue to call them. Never go against your instincts - they are
your most valuable resource. If they demand' your number and you've
respectfully and repeatedly told them no, perhaps it's time to close that
particular door.
8) Even if you live close to someone you meet on-line, it's not a good
idea to move into meeting them too quickly. Take your time in getting
to know them, speak several times on the phone, and if you do agree to
meet, set it up at a public place, and take a friend along. A serious
potential partner won't mind.
Class #2 - First Time Meetings
There are many ways to meet potential D/s partners. AOL and classified
ads are only two of
these ways. First time meetings always require a little extra
security and safety. Here are some
simple rules for those awkward first encounters.
1) Always set the meeting up well in advance, so that you have time
to arrange a sufficient safety net. (This goes for Doms and subs
alike.) If you are traveling, make reservations at a motel, but do
NOT let the person you're meeting know where you'll be staying.
2) Arrange to meet for the first time during the daylight hours in
a public place, such as a mall or a restaurant. Always park your
car a distance away, so that if the meeting goes badly, you cannot be followed
away. Another good idea is to take a cab to this first meeting.
3) Do not plan to play during your initial meeting. You should
have plenty to discuss, without sex or D/s play entering into the equation.
4) Think about taking along a friend. A serious potential partner
won't feel intimidated.
5) SAFE CALLS: There are many ideas out there about how safe calls
should be done, but I'll only offer you my humble opinion, and what has
worked for me in the past. Let 2 friends, preferably local to where
you'll be meeting, know your complete schedule. Give them the full
name of the person you'll be meeting, their phone number and a brief physical
description. You can even go so far as to give them the make, model
and plate number of the car your date will be driving. Make sure
that your friends have an accurate description of you, as well, and the
phone number of the local police. Arrange to call these 2 friends
immediately after you've met your date. Give them a key
word' beforehand, that you can say if you need to get away from your
date - for example, you could say that everything is (great) if you need
help, or that everything is (wonderful) if you're okay. Your
safe calls should arrange to come get you, or give you some sort of
out if you use your keyword. If you'll be spending more than a few
hours with your date, it's a good idea to call your safe calls every
few hours, at least at first.
6) Be honest with your date. If you feel, after this first meeting,
that this person is not someone you want to be involved with, be honest
and up-front about that. It's not necessarily a good idea to do this
at your first meeting. Go home, sleep on it. And then arrange
to speak to this person the next day. Remember, your instincts are
your most valuable resource.
7) Have a good time. Be yourself. But most importantly,
be SAFE and be HONEST - with your date, and with yourself.
Class #3 - First Scene Safety
It's always a good idea to get to know someone very well before committing yourself to play time. It's also a good idea to think long and hard about what you expect, and then lay that out for the other person clearly beforehand.
It's also a good idea to list out your limits (yes, Doms have limits, too !!) And exchange them well in advance of your first scene.
1) SAFE CALLS: See Item #5 from Lesson #2. If you plan to play
at your new partner's home, make sure your safe call has the address, the
phone number and a clear map and directions to the home. If you plan
to play at your home, do NOT turn off your phone, and make sure you have
the number of the ambulance, local police and a contact posted by each
phone, in case of any emergency. Secure any valuables before your
partner arrives. If you plan to play at a motel, or a third parties'
home, make sure your safe call knows exactly where you'll be. If
in a motel, make sure they have the room number, and the name the room
is registered under. It's also a good idea to keep your keys and
purse or wallet by the door, so you can grab them quickly if need be.
2) It's a good idea to keep your first scene light. I do not
recommend bondage, gags or extreme pain for your first scene with a new
partner. There's plenty of other activities you can use to get to
know each other's likes and dislikes. Besides, if it works out, you'll
want to save something for later <g>
3) SAFEWORDS: You should chose and discuss safewords and/or actions
well in advance of your first meeting. My recommendations are something
very simple, such as yellow for slow down, and red for stop.
Never play around with these words - they are your protection, and your
safety net, and should only be used when you mean them.
4) SAFE SEX: I don't think anyone needs to be reminded about this,
but I'll throw it in anyway. Both parties should posses condoms, in case
one forgets. It only takes a few seconds to slip on a condom.
It's takes a long and painful time to die of AIDS.
5) If, at any point, either party is feeling uncomfortable, S T O P
!!!!! Dress. Talk. And then talk some more. It
takes a lot of trust to have a meaningful D/s relationship. Take
the time to build that foundation.
Class #4 - Emotional Safety
No, pain is not all physical. Sometimes, it's in your head and your heart as well, and sometimes, those scars are the hardest to heal. Here are some tips to lessen your chances of getting them in the first place.
1) Be honest. With yourself. With prospective partners.
Never be ashamed to admit you don't know something, or to ask questions.
If you're looking for 24/7, don't tell someone you only want to play.
If you're looking for love and romance, be up-front about it. If you are
dishonest about what you want, it's not only you who could get hurt in
the long run.
2) Never reveal too much about your personal life to anyone on-line.
There are too many people who'll use your heartaches and problems for hot
IM gossip.
3) If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Your instincts,
once again, are your greatest gift and resource. Use them, and listen
to them.
4) Heed warnings. If you're told by more than one person that
a prospective partner could be trouble, LISTEN. Take into account
that it's someone else's opinion of someone you're getting to know, but
always listen, and openly ask your partner about what you hear.
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide if you believe everything you hear,
but always hear what someone is trying to tell you, and always, check it
out.
5) If a prospective partner asks you not to ask anyone else on-line
about them, ask yourself why. Then ask them why. And if you
can't come up with any satisfactory answers, either walk away, or proceed
with EXTREME caution.
6) If a prospective partner is hesitant with personal information after
you've already given yours, then take it as a warning. FIND OUT WHY.
7) Don't get dragged into on-line gossip. It may be fun for awhile,
but eventually it will only come back to haunt you. There are people
on-line who have nothing better to do. Don't become one of them.
8) Think for yourself. Trust yourself. Be honest with yourself.
And above all, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Copyright 1995 TheScreamer
Reused by permission
RESOURCES
BOOKS
A variety of good books on D/s-SM have been published recently.
As each has a
different focus and style of writing, there is no one book which would
be
superior for all players. If possible, visit a bookstore in your
area
which might carry some of the books mentioned in the "Bibliography"
portion of this document.
If no shop in your area carries such books, keep in mind that most
bookstores in the country can put any book currently in print on special
order, and that you may personally order almost any book directly from
its
publisher regardless of your location in the US. Consult a "Books
in
Print" reference for more information. Also, you can order most
of the
books mentioned below from a specialty mail-order book shop, such as
Circlet Press:
Circlet Press, Inc.
1770 Massachusetts Ave. #278
Cambridge, MA 02140
Enclosed a self addressed, stamped envelope when requesting their catalog.
You may also browse Circlet Press's offerings through their WWW site
at
http://www.apocalypse.org/circlet/home.html
EQUIPMENT CATALOGS
Another source of information might be from equipment catalogs, which
provide pictures of various types of D/s- SM gear, an opportunity to
acquire
gear, and often good commentary and explanation. Consider ordering
a
catalog from the following sources:
Stockroom (800) 755-8697 (toys
and books, SM)
Good Vibrations (415) 974-8990 (toys and books, SM and vanilla)
Blowfish (415) 864-0880
(toys and books, SM and vanilla)
It is, of course, possible and sometimes preferable to make one's own
SM equipment from inexpensive materials obtained at the local hardware
store. See some of the books listed in the Bibliography for details
on
toy-making.
THE INTERNET
One very valuable source of (free) information is the World Wide Web
on
the internet. Try the Society for Human Sexuality WWW site at
http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/
Once you've reached this site, go to the "library", then go to "bdsm",
and
start reading.
Also, you can try the alt.sex.bondage Usenet newsgroup and its FAQ.
CLASSES
Classes on SM and kink sexualities, in introductory to advanced skill
levels and in hands-on, demonstration, or lecture formats, are available
in the cities mentioned below, and some others. Call for a schedule.
Seattle: SKIN
(206) 368-0384
San Francisco: QSM (415) 550-7776
San Francisco: Janus (415) 985-7117
New York: TES
(212) 388-7022
Portland: RCDC (503)
650-7052
MAGAZINES
Quality SM magazines can be a wonderful source of solid information
on SM
and goings on in the contemporary SM community. If there is an
SM/Leather/Fetish store in your area, consider browsing its bulletin
board
and magazines. The magazine _SandMUtopian Guardian_ is often
excellent.
VIDEOS
Most of what goes under the heading of "SM" in one's adult video store
is
garbage. However, a few filmmakers have created high-quality
SM video
erotica; we especially recommend "Bittersweet," which is short
but
genuine. You may also wish to browse the Good Vibrations Library
Catalog
and the Blowfish Catalog for more possibilities.
FICTION
Currently popular SM erotica authors include Pat Califia, Laura Antoniou
(aka Sara Adamson), and A.R. Roquelaure. One's choice in erotica
is a
very personal thing, so it may be helpful to visit a bookstore that
carries a selection of erotic books for browsing, and seek out those
which
you find pleasurable.
D/s-SM BIBLIOGRAPHY (Incomplete)
_SandMUtopian Guardian_ (Magazine)
Antoniou, Laura, Ed. _Some Women_
Antoniou, Laura. _The Slave_, _The Marketplace_, _The Trainer_, (Fiction)
Bannon, Race. _Learning the Ropes_
Califia, Pat. _Macho Sluts_ (Fiction)
Califia, Pat. _Sensuous Magic_
Califia, Pat. _The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual_
Fatale Video. _Safe is Desire_ (Erotic Educational Video on Safer Sex)
Herrman, Bert. _Trust: The Hand Book_ (focus on anal "fisting")
House O' Chicks _Bittersweet_ (Erotic Video)
Jacques, Trevor. _On the Safe Edge_
Easton, Dossie and Catherine A. Liszt. _The Bottoming Book_
Lady Green. _Kinky Crafts: 101 Do-It-Yourself S/M Toys_
Lady Green. _The Sexually Dominant Woman_
Easton, Dossie and Catherine A. Liszt. _The Topping Book_
Miller, Philip and Molly Devon. _Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns_
Morrin, Jack. _Anal Pleasure and Health_
Reage, Pauline. _The Story of O_ (Fiction)
Roquelaure, A.R. _The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy_ (Fiction)
Rosen, Michael. _Sexual Magic: The S-M Photographs_ (Photography)
Warren, John. _The Loving Dominant_
Winks, Cathy and Anne Semans. _The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex_
Wiseman, Jay. _SM 101_
Beginners Dungeon Reading Recommendations
This list is oriented toward the reader interested in Dominance and
submission as a lifestyle. It includes non-fiction material
oriented toward
both Top and bottom; and hetero, MOSS* and pansexual lovestyles.
*MOSS ( member of the same sex )
DISCLAIMER: This is a list of reading material that many in this community
have found helpful, informative or interesting. However, this list
is not in
any way an endorsement of any or all of the items listed, nor is it
a
guarantee of the accuracy or validity of the material. Its purpose
is merely
to inform you that these resources are available. This listing and
the
material included on it are intended for distribution to adults only.
AVAILABILITY: Some of the items listed here are available in mainstream
bookstores, either "on the shelf" or by being ordered. Others may need
to be
purchased in a "scene friendly " shop, or may be found mail order,
through a
catalog source or the publisher. ISBNs are provided where known for
ease in
ordering. At the end of this list is a selection of potential mail
order
sources. Again, no endorsement is implied by their inclusion.
SOURCE: The information on this list has been compiled from a
variety of
sources, including....ASB, postings on AOL's IMH, and informal surveys
conducted among regular participants in the Beginners Dungeon.
--------------------
GENERAL: The following books are recommended as general introductions
to D/s
and /or BDSM.
SM 101, A Realistic Introduction
1992 Jay J. Wiseman. Published by Jay Wiseman,
P.O. Box 1261, Berkeley, California 94701. (8 1/2" x 11" Cerlox
bound).
SENSUOUS MAGIC by Pat Califia ISBN 1-56333-131-4
(1993) Masquerade Books 801 Second
Ave, NY 10017
DIFFERENT LOVING by G. Brame, W. Brame & J. Jacobs
ISBN 1-679-40873-8
(1993) Villard Books, 201
E. 50th St. New York, NY 10022
THE LOVING DOMINANT by John Warren
Masquerade Books, Inc
801 Second Avenue, New York, NY 10017
ISBN 1-56333-218-3
SCREW THE ROSES, SEND ME THE THORNS by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon
([email protected] & [email protected]). ISBN 0-9645960-0-8
Mystic Rose Books, PO Box 1036/SMS, Fairfield, CT 06432.
Phone: 203-371-6912 FAX: 908-739-9402 Homepage:
http://palace.com/
------------------------------------------------------------
For further reading.....
COMING TO POWER ed. by SAMOIS
ISBN 0-932870-28-7
(1981, 1987) Alyson Publications, 40 Plympton St.,
Boston, MA 02118
LEARNING THE ROPES by Race Bannon
ISBN 1-881943-07-0
(1992) Daedalus Publishing Co,
584 Castro St, # 518, San
Francisco, CA 94114
LEATHERFOLK edited by Mark Thompson
ISBN 1-55583-187-7
(1991) Alyson Publishers,
40 Plympton St., Boston, MA 02118
LEATHERSEX by Joseph W. Bean ISBN 1-881943-05-4
(1994) Daedalus Publishing
Co, 584 Castro St, # 518, San
Francisco, CA 94114 "A Guide for the Curious Outsider and The
Serious
Player".
ON THE SAFE EDGE by Trevor Jacques, et. al
1993. ISBN 1-895-857-05-8 (paperback), 1-895-857-06-6 (Hdbnd)
WholeSM Publishing P O Box 19591-499, Toronto, ONT M4W 3T9
Phone: 416-962-1040, FAX: 416-962-1044 http://www.inforamp.net/~wpc
THE LEATHERMAN'S HANDBOOK II by Larry Townsend
ISBN 0-503-09999-6
(1989) Carlyle Communications,462 Broadway,
NY 10013
URBAN ABORIGINALS by Geoff Mains ISBN 0-917342-38-0
(1984) Gay Sunshine Press, PO Box 410690, San Francisco,
CA 94141
LESBIAN S/M SAFETY MANUAL (edited by Pat Califia) ISBN 1-55583-301-2
1988 Alyson Publishers, 40 Plympton St, Boston, Ma 02118
TIES THAT BIND by Guy Baldwin, M.S.
1993 Published by Daedalus Publishing Company,
Suite 518, 584 Castro Street, San Francisco, California 94114.
ISBN 1-881943-09-7
THE BOTTOMING BOOK -- or How to get Terrible Things done to you
by Wonderful People" by: Dossie Easton & Catherine
Liszt
Greenery Press, 3739 Balboa Ave. #195, San Francisco, CA 94121
THE TOPPING BOOK --Or, Getting Good at Being Bad--as above
"THE SEXUALLY DOMINANT WOMAN: A Workbook For Nervous Beginners"
by Lady Green
Greenery Press
3739 Balboa Avenue, #195, San Fransisco, CA 94121
ISBN 0-9639763-0-3
BENEATH THE SKINS, The New Spirit and Politics of the Kink Community
by Ivo Dominquez. 1994. Published by Daedalus Publishing Company,
Suite 518, 584 Castro Street, San Francisco, California 94114.
ISBN 1-881943-06-2.
EROTIC POWER: An Exploration of Dominance and Submission
by Gini Graham Scott, PhD. 1983 Citadel Press, Carol Publishing
Group
Editorial Offices: 600 Madison Ave
/ New York, NY 10022
--------------------------------------------------
There are many sources for books via mail order. Some of the possibilities
include........
QSM
P.O. Box 880154
San Franciso, CA 94188
Phone: 800-537-5815
Fax: 415-550-7117
Diversified Services
P.O. Box 35737
Brighton, MA 02135
Phone: 617-787-7426
Email: [email protected]
Good Vibrations (415) 974-8990 1-800-289-8423
[email protected]
http://www.goodvibes.com
Blowfish (415) 864-0880
[email protected]
http://www.blowfish.com/
Circlet Press [email protected]
http://www.circlet.com/circlet/home.html