Master and i spent time together today. It was nice to visit with Him. We were intimate, I had really missed him taking me. I had not realized just how much untill we talked on the phone the night before. His voice does things to me that i can not explain.  It seemed people one again had questions to why He owned me as a slave and not a sub. I realized i had been too quiet in my responses, this did not show honor to Him. I had really just been tried of defending my rights to be what and who i want to be. Again the terms seem to hang people up. I will not submit to their ignorance. I will how ever wear   my submissionproud . I am not ashamed of being a slave to my Master. The need is deep within me. I could not be a slave to just any Master. I am not weak, but i will go to whatever measures it takes to please my Master. There were those who claimed so much to adore me and at the Depths of my submission, i saw their joy in hurting me with Physical pain. Only I did not feel the pain againt my flesh as much as i felt it in my heart. I have tried to understand why i would submit to such things. I think i have found that number one I want to please. At times i just wanted to be taken, i wanted to belong, i wanted to be controled. I have tried to understand this , at time it bothers me a lot because Master is not into pain, but yet many time i had found myself on that end of the crop. I have had so many walls and admit the pain freed me to a place where i could fully submit, and time it was not even pain but the control, the sensation that it brought to me.The Hands on my neck, proving that One could control every breath i took. I feel i have to deal with this so i can move on, i still have a lot of guilt for allowing myself to submit to these things in the past. I am with Master now. It is wonderful, I am safe. Safe from all those who want to hurt me and i am also safe from myself. Yes I am sorry to admit i have been my worst abuser. There is a self that hides very deep inside of me, one that hides because of all the hurt and pain in the past, on that has learned mistrust. Only Master can bring her back out to where she can be herself and expand her abilties under his guidence.